Wait. What?

A PERPLEXING PROPOSTIION:

I received a card in the mail on Tuesday. It had a non-descript return address and on the back claimed I had won something. A toll-free telephone number was printed so I could claim my prize. “Call within 24 hours!” it proclaimed. Normally, I throw these away. But no where on the card did it say what the company (NDI) did or what I had won. I was perplexed. So I thought about it…for longer than 24 hours and then called the number.

“Due to a large call volume, your call will be delayed 30-45 seconds. Please wait for the next live operator.”
“Ah. Automated voice. There is no way I’m…wait, 30 seconds? Heck, I called, I can wait 30 seconds.”

A nice southern voice picks up (return address is Texas) and informs me that NDI wants me to attend a 30-45 minute informational session about their company. For my time I will receive a free gift which could be an iPod, a computer, a DVD player or 4 other prizes. They received the names of all of my university’s junior, senior and graduate students and sent out 500 cards. Would I like to attend?

“Wait. [Perplexed silence] Go back to the free gift.”

This is why I was perplexed. I attend a half an hour session and receive an iPod at no cost to me? Nothing to sign up for? No cult to join? What’s the catch?

“Um, I don’t get it. All I have to do is attend a half an hour session and I receive something free?” – I said this TO THE OPERATOR (she’s not a telemarketer since I called her and she’s was not selling me anything).

Yup. Nothing to sign. So I go to the AmericInn, which is about 3 blocks from campus, no way I would drive downtown for this, and at 11am meet with “Heath” (name has been changed because I don’t remember what it is). “Heath” tells the 5 of us (Me, Joe, Bob, Zach and Harry…because they factor into the story later) that we have been sent a card by Network Direct, the largest travel agency in the world. They own tons of everything related to the travel industry. Network Direct is accredited (or whatever you call it) by everybody from the Better Business Bureau to the international group that oversees travel agents.

Think to myself: “So you’re a legit company. How do you make money?”

Time for free gifts! All 5 of us receive a coupon for 3 days and 2 nights at a Holiday Inn. Hmm, Holiday Inn wouldn’t indorse identity thieves, right? Then, Heath has an elaborate PowerPoint presentation which runs a lottery for our second gift. None of us won the DVD player, the computer, the sound system or the iPods.

Think to myself: “Ah, so you make money by not giving away anything.”

Then 3 of the 5 guys win a free week long stay in a resort. Any resort in the U.S. (owned by NDI).

Wait, what?

Joe and myself get a coupon for a cruise to the Bahamas and free hotel accommodations once were there. We have to find our way to Ft. Lauderdale and pay taxes which amount to about $270 (the taxes, not the airfare).

Wait, what? How does NDI make money?

“Heath” then gives us a presentation telling us NDI is the s*** if you ever want to take a vacation and that we should all join because everything is cheap. And the prices never increase. Then he’s done. He doesn’t, however, use the word s***.

Wait, WHAT?

We didn’t sign anything! We weren’t asked to sign anything. We were given free stuff and thanked for coming. If I hadn’t asked, I would have forgotten what the name of the website was. Network Direct.com (which is very skimpy on info) My brain is so perplexed that this mystery company actually did what they said they were going to do that when the hotel employee came in I thought I had entered the Twilight Zone.

“’Heath,’ there’s someone here to see you.”
“[Mild surprise] Can it wait a moment?”
“[Pause] I think you should come see what this is about.”

“Heath” thanks those of us remaining (Joe split right after the presentation), and we walk out, “Heath” staying behind. There are two police officers waiting at the front desk. This doesn’t really phase the 4 of us. Bob comments, “Does anybody else think that this has gone from legit to questionable?” We laugh. Then Zach turns to me: “That’s a really nice cruise. [Pause] I liked it.”

Wait. … WHAT!!! Zach has been to this before?

I wait in the parking lot a minute or two to see if “Heath” gets hauled away in chains. He doesn’t. Which is, somehow, more perplexing to me. Then, I am left to wonder, how would I join? Check the website. Nothing. The website is actually a disgrace to websites. So I call the toll-free number on the website which I have to dig for. I get a nice older Southern voice which doesn’t want to give me any of the numbers that “Heath” had not even 4 hours ago. I finally manage to ask the right question and she informs me that if I wanted to join in the future I should just call this number and they will get me in touch with a local representative. So we’re back to being Amway in the internet age. So, no membership for me. I’ll have to settle for my free gifts.